Excerpt from Yogi’s Guide to Dating
Or, from wholeness, relationship
When I began dating, I was looking for the “one.”
I wanted – needed – to fix my problems by finding someone else to fill the missing gaps, make me safe, and hold me tight against the storm. I wanted children to feel that I was living a complete life. And I needed the partner to fit my idea of perfect in order to make my dream of a life happen. My expectations had to be fulfilled in order to feel that I had “accomplished” my life and was successful.
Crashing myself in the shores of my own expectations and entitlement has been an awakening. Terrible, beautiful, and cleansing, like a glorious storm off of the Maine coast. By trying again and again to find happiness in others, I finally saw myself in the mirror. The riddle of happiness will never be solved by someone outside of me. We are our own complex and lovely puzzles to unlock.
Needing someone else in order to be whole is not love. Ultimately, no one can fulfill our longing. The human condition is to be sweetly imperfect, continually on the knife’s edge, desperate to hold onto something in the outside world to make us okay. Until we soften to this uncertainty and open our hearts to our continual restlessness, we will repeat our clutching patterns. Rather than holding so tightly, we can gently accept that we are the ones that ultimately must show up for ourselves and hold ourselves in the dark.
Our work towards self-sufficiency does not mean that we take the journey alone, or without good company. In fact, part of the joy of our humanity is out ability to reach out, connect, support each other and love each other deeply. We hold hands together and do our work, supporting each other in the tender and beautiful journey of self-discovery and revelation. By increasing our capacity to hold space for ourselves, we release obligating others to fix us, and can instead love others more fully for who they are.
Yogis’ Guide to Dating due for release in 2017!