Excerpt from Yogi’s Guide to Dating

 In *from my heart

Or, from wholeness, relationship

When I began dating, I was looking for the “one.”

I wanted – needed – to fix my problems by finding someone else to fill the missing gaps, make me safe, and hold me tight against the storm. I wanted children to feel that I was living a complete life. And I needed the partner to fit my idea of perfect in order to make my dream of a life happen. My expectations had to be fulfilled in order to feel that I had “accomplished” my life and was successful.

Crashing myself in the shores of my own expectations and entitlement has been an awakening. Terrible, beautiful, and cleansing, like a glorious storm off of the Maine coast. By trying again and again to find happiness in others, I finally saw myself in the mirror. The riddle of happiness will never be solved by someone outside of me. We are our own complex and lovely puzzles to unlock.

Needing someone else in order to be whole is not love. Ultimately, no one can fulfill our longing. The human condition is to be sweetly imperfect, continually on the knife’s edge, desperate to hold onto something in the outside world to make us okay. Until we soften to this uncertainty and open our hearts to our continual restlessness, we will repeat our clutching patterns. Rather than holding so tightly, we can gently accept that we are the ones that ultimately must show up for ourselves and hold ourselves in the dark.

Our work towards self-sufficiency does not mean that we take the journey alone, or without good company. In fact, part of the joy of our humanity is out ability to reach out, connect, support each other and love each other deeply. We hold hands together and do our work, supporting each other in the tender and beautiful journey of self-discovery and revelation. By increasing our capacity to hold space for ourselves, we release obligating others to fix us, and can instead love others more fully for who they are.


Yogis’ Guide to Dating due for release in 2017!

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Showing 8 comments
  • Sue T. Tripp

    i agree with you. Sometimes we need someone to do with us things like travelling, taking a cup of coffee and simply share our thoughts. But it’s hard to find one who is able to match about character, perspnality or hobbies.

  • baseballdiscuss@site

    I know this emotion. Great article.

  • Bobby C. Nickles

    Love is too hard to find but thank for your sharing

  • Rachel

    Love is hard to find when we try to make other people love us.
    Love is easy to find if we’re looking to feel love for someone else.
    We can only control the second one. And it’s up to us.
    Definitely not suggesting that I’m good that this; but I’m finding that it’s the work. Thank you for commenting. I think we all can relate xo

  • Michal S. Pickering

    I think to make it easy, we should love to be loved, just as Marc Terenzi sang years ago. And I like your thought of holding hands together, supporting each other. It makes life much more beautiful!

  • Rachel

    I can support that 🙂

  • yoga travelgirl

    exactly my recent discovery. it’s me all the way. love your blog. thx so much for sharing. great job. sending loads of good vibes to you.

  • Sophial Orenn

    Love is necessary to live your life with happiness. Great article.

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