Happiness is one of the great mysteries of life. Although we continually wonder what will make us happy and try to work for more of it, we often get frustrated and discouraged. Even with the best of intentions, we often unknowingly get in our own way. The first step to happiness is becoming aware of where you are blocking your own path so that you can “own your happy.”
Here are eight myths about happiness that may be holding you back. Change them you and notice an immediate difference in how you feel!
Myth #1
You have to be perfect (or at least try) to be happy.
There’s a difference between striving for excellence and pursuing perfection. We often believe that being perfect can keep us safe from hurt, rejection, judgment, and failure. However, this actually works against us! Because the end goal of perfectionism is to get someone else’s approval, you end up doing things and being someone that does not actually make you happy.
Antidote: When you find yourself striving for perfection, embrace the 80% rule and focus on doing the best that you can at that moment! Remember, “done is better than perfect.” Consider: is it fear that is driving you? Or a desire to be of value? Whose approval are you seeking? Practice making it your own.
Myth #2
Engaging in habits that help you “check out” will make you happier.
There are a variety of things we do to ”unwind,” but in reality, we are checking out and avoiding uncomfortable feelings. The obvious villains are food, alcohol, drugs, and cigarettes. But there are so many other more subtle “tools” that we use to numb our feelings: overextending ourselves, hanging out in overwhelm, worrying, internet surfing and overspending. These behaviors may be immediately gratifying but over time, leave you disappointed in yourself and prevent you from dealing with what is actually making you unhappy.
Antidote: Next time you’re reaching for a cookie or glass of wine, take a moment to check in with your thoughts. Are you feeling stressed or worried about something? Perhaps you’re feeling lonely or disconnected? Once you identify what you are feeling, try taking an action that would actually help you to feel better. This may be connecting with a friend, finishing a project you’ve been putting off or getting some exercise!
Myth #3
Hiding out from the world makes you feel better.
When we feel unhappy, we may hide from the world and isolate. A little alone time is helpful, but being an island on your own is overrated. We feel happiest when we are connected to others. Going it alone may look impressive from the outside, but sharing yourself with those you can trust will help you feel understood, accepted, loved and happier – especially when you are feeling down.
Antidote: Although you don’t feel like it, often connecting with others is exactly what will make you feel better. Next time you feel like isolating, take a deep breath and call a friend, go for a walk, or put yourself in a situation where you have the opportunity for positive interaction with others.
Myth #4
I’ll be happy once I __________.
Happiness and a mindset of scarcity or lack cannot coexist. If you believe some part of yourself is not enough, you will live as if it’s true. There is always an opportunity to find ourselves insufficient; then the trashy self-talk becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy! The truth is, you are enough when you are doing your best and are feeling proud of who you are.
Antidote: Next time you experience self-doubt, notice if it is tied to something you’re avoiding. For example, if you’re feeling “not good enough,” are you using it as a justification to not take a particular action, be vulnerable or stretch outside of your comfort zone? Experiment with taking a small step despite the self-doubt. This is exactly what will build your self-confidence!
Myth #5
If I feel too happy, I’m just setting myself up for disappointment.
Experiencing happiness can be uncomfortable, scary and even anxiety-producing. We sometimes feel as if our happiness is just setting us up to fail. You may even think that negating your happiness will help the bad stuff be less painful. Don’t waste your joy! When hard times and challenges do come along, embracing your happy times will make you stronger.
Antidote: Next time you feel resistance to allowing happiness in, bring your focus back to the present moment. Recognize that you are happy and everything is okay. The future is always uncertain; living in the present moment will help you relish your joy and actually give you more resources for the inevitable challenges.
Myth #6
Your happiness depends on someone else.
Often, we make our happiness contingent upon another person or their actions. Outsourcing your happiness leaves you powerless and often feeling like a victim. While other people can – and will – bring you joy, placing your happiness in the hands of someone else is a dangerous game and puts a tremendous amount of pressure on another person. Taking responsibility for your own happiness can be initially uncomfortable, but it ultimately gives you greater power, autonomy, and control over your life.
Antidote: Next time you notice you are waiting for someone else’s approval or actions to make you happy, take a breath and check in with yourself. What can you do at that moment to take responsibility for your own happiness? Reclaim your power and do something for yourself!
Myth #7
When life slows down I’ll be happier.
We often believe that life will get better “someday!” But time is your life going by. If you postpone feeling and engaging in activities that make you happy now, you are wasting your precious time. Live as if every day is a gift. By embracing what brings you happiness today, you’ll create the life that you want in the here and now.
Antidote: Next time you catch yourself procrastinating taking an action that will bring you more happiness, stop and decide to do it anyway. Focus on propelling yourself forward in the moment versus waiting for the “right” time.
Myth #8
It’s too late, and too much has happened to be happy.
Our minds, bodies and spirits are incredibly resilient! Living in the mindset of “it’s too late” is a cop out that gives us permission to wimp out and not try. This kind of attitude allows you to stay stuck, unhappy and justified. It’s never too late to recommit to yourself and find happiness. Often we’re afraid to try because we are afraid of being vulnerable and failing. Take a deep breath and muster your courage! Even a tiny effort will go a long way to restoring your sense of potential and hope.
Antidote: Next time you catch yourself feeling life may be passing you by, deliberately take even a small action in the direction of your goals and notice the immediate change in how you feel. It is usually the small and consistent actions that lead to accomplishment and happiness.
